(Source: sovietmatryoshka)
Masterbation isnt cutting it anymore. I cant even get off, I dont enjoy it anymore. I just do it so I’ll be less of a bitch and less sexually frustrated. I couldnt be anymore sexually frustrated. But every man Ive met is a peice of shit, which is a way worse turn off. I dont know why I feel like I need a man so much. Its just instinctual. Im supposed to be mating and nesting and having a life partner. I couldnt be far from it. With love I can do anything. I get up early in the morning to clean the entire house, I put on my prettiest dress and I eat salad and I exercise. I feel happy to be alive, and I feel like I can do anything. When I’m alone, which has been 99% of my life…I’m laying face down in my bed trying my best to stay asleep. While laundrey piles up, work piles up, and I just sleep it all away. I’m past the point of being unhappy. I’m just hysterical with misery. I think about ending it all, but I’m such a pussy. I think I’ll just overdose. I’m so far from a hospital I’ll die long before any paramedics get to my house. Then Ill be in dirt heaven, singing with the worms, and dancing with maggots.
anthrodynia
n. a state of exhaustion with how shitty people can be to each other, typically causing a countervailing sense of affection for things that are sincere but not judgmental, are unabashedly joyful, or just are.
